Date: Wed Mar 14, 2001 9:40pm Cynthia, Robin and Everyone: I just joined yesterday and this is as good a time as any to jump in and introduce myself. When Cynthia said that she began taking her SSRI's after her 4th baby, that is exactly when I began my introduction to antidepressants. I have been reading everyone's posts for the past day trying to get a feel for whether I belonged here or not. I'm still not sure, because some of the things I have read seem so much worse than how I feel. So, let me tell you my situation and you can tell me whether I qualify. If I do, I have a ton of questions! First of all, my name is Kate and I am a 39 year old stay-at-home mom of 4 daughters. I WAS a well-functioning, active mom of 3 until 2 years ago,with no health problems except occasional migraines. In an attempt to have a 4th child, I experienced a miscarriage in April 99. That summer, I was not quite myself...not wanting to participate in my usual activities and feeling what probably was mild depression. Up until this point, I had experienced no previous depressions. My OB/GYN was about ready to prescribe Zoloft, but I became pregnant again and did not want to take these drugs during my pregnancy. Even though the drug companies/FDA claim that Zoloft is safe during pregancy, I felt I could do without it. I probably couldn't have tolerated them anyway, I have always had VERY sick pregnancies (hyperemesis gravidarum...uncontrolled vomiting) throughout all nine months. This time was no different. I struggled through the entire pregnancy this way, rarely leaving the house because I was too sick. In my eighth month, I developed pre-eclampsia (pregnancy induced high blood pressure) and was required to be induced 5 weeks early. I thank God the early delivery resulted in a perfect 6 pound baby girl who needed no intervention; her lungs were fully developed. Unfortunately, my BP did not return to normal levels as they are supposed to after delivery. At my post-partum checkup, I was complaining of not feeling "like myself". I was not sleeping well...a brand new baby that constantly nursed plus 3 other young children. Headaches, exhaustion, irritability, memory difficulties, some tearfulness, but I had never had post-partum depression before and still did not feel as if this was a true case of it. My symptoms were mostly physical and cognitive. I did NOT feel like I was going to harm myself or my baby, or not want to take care of her. I did NOT feel hopeless, helpless, cry all the time, etc.etc.etc. At this visit, my BP was still high. MY OB gave me Zoloft to see if it would help and referred me back to my primary care doctor to have the blood pressure treated. From this point, the primary care doctor prescribed Methyldopa (Aldomet) for my high BP. It is one of the only BP drugs that can be given to a nursing mom to control BP. However, I have since discovered that it is a centrally acting drug that changes the norepinephrine (another nuerotransmitter) levels in your brain. It lowers your BP but it can actually CAUSE depression. After a month or so, I went back with more complaints rather than less, and because I did not feel that the Zoloft (100 mg) was working, he switched me to Celexa (40 mg.). I have been on these doses of meds since early last fall. To sum things up a little, I have never been able to determine whether I was actually depressed or not. Or whether this was all something that developed after starting the medications. It's sort of a "which came first the chicken or the egg" experience. After being on both meds, (and I don't know what medication may have caused what side effects), these are some of the symptoms/side effects I was experiencing: * EXTREME tiredness, sleepiness, exhaustion. My eyes were literally rolling back in my head within an hour of getting up for the day. I needed to sleep all the time and could not stay awake no matter what I did. * Incredible joint and muscle aches, especially bad in my ankles and calves and wrists and forearms, but elsewhere too. These kept me awake at night besides the other reasons I was not sleeping. *Weakness. * Memory lapses, * Loss of concentration, * Confusion. For example...someone would be talking to me, and I could not "click in" until they were halfway through what they were saying and I would have to ask them to repeat it. No ability to make decisions, forgetting things/words, appointments etc. frequently. *"Zombie-like" behavior. My friends, if I could even summon the effort to talk to them, said that I spoke slowly and mechanically without the usual joy I once had. * A sudden 20-lb weight gain after I lost all my baby weight, within a very short period of time after the meds it came back on. * Just a plain inability to function and do the things I have always done easily. I have not been to church with my family except once or twice in the past year and a half...I HAD to stay home and sleep. I used to go everywhere with children and had a houseful of them all the time. Now, I can't even manage my own and be the mom I want to be. Everything is SUCH AN EFFORT because of these symptoms/side effects. I want so badly to be my "old self" again. Now while a lot of this certainly sounds like classic depression, I really didn't begin to feel most of it until AFTER I was on the drugs. They certainly didn't HELP me at all, my complaints only got WORSE after meds, and there were more of them than before. As of two weeks ago, I was down to the halfway point (250 mg methyldopa and 20 mg Celexa daily) when I just QUIT cold turkey. I probably shouldn't have done it like that, but I had a case of the flu and I could not handle what I thought were the side effects of the drugs and the flu besides. I am taking nothing now. Today, (two weeks later) I really don't feel much better and I have no idea whether it was/is PPD, sleep deprivation, the blood pressure drugs, and/or the SSRI's. Does it sound like I belong here, and if I do, does anyone have any recommendations? Thank you, Kate Date: Wed Mar 14, 2001 10:36pm Response1: Kate, I belong here, and if I do, you certainly do. Just joined a couple of days ago, and the support and information I've gotten have been astounding. Welcome - and thank you for sharing your story with everyone. -- Heidi Date: Wed Mar 14, 2001 11:16pm Response2: Hi Kate, welcome. Everything you described is probably the medicine, and I would bet anything that you don't or did not have the flu that is one of the complaints of most of us "we thought we had the flu". Stick around this group Kate and the light bulb will go on, you will understand what these drugs have done to you. Give yourself time to heal, you will get better but it does take time....., take care, Cynthia Date: Thu Mar 15, 2001 4:49pm Response3: Hi Kate, I didn't see your message until this morning. Wow, it seems as if you and Cynthia are living parallel lives. Sadly, this is a classic case of doctors shoving a pill down your throat to shut you up. I've had it happen to me so many times. Tell me who isn't stressed, tired a little down after having a baby?? And for an OB to prescribe a psych med? See how easy this crap is handed out like candy by anyone who can prescribe medication? Since the Methyldopa can cause depression why didn't your primary care doctor notice that you were also taking Zoloft?? Of course you had more depression! And instead of the damn doctor paying attention to you he just "shut you up" with a different pill (Celexa). This makes me so very very mad. It was most definitely the SSRI's causing you the awful side effects you experienced. I experienced many of them myself. Since you had the awful depression AFTER starting the SSRI's, it is most DEFINITELY the drug making you sick. It will take time, because in a way, you are in withdrawal. You WILL feel like yourself again. Take care and take it one day at a time. And YES you definitely belong in the group. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Robin